Random Tuesday Thoughts

Trudy over at Third Time's a Charm does this most weeks and I thought today would be a good day to jump right on in and give it a whirl.

I'm really beginning to think that I need to start drinking water. I say this not because it is good for you, your body needs it, blah, blah, blah. I say this because there has to be something in it. Pregnant women are popping up EVERYWHERE and it is just driving me INSANE! There just HAS to be something in the water! Don't get me wrong....I am THRILLED for them....but it just serves as a reminder of what we have been having a difficult time achieving.

On the same note...I would have been due in mere weeks....next month to be exact...if I had not had the miscarriage in June. I know when that date comes up, it is going to be a difficult one to deal with. I can only hope that I get some good news before that, because believe it or not....I will (if we get pregnant this month) be 6 weeks along on the original due date. 6 weeks is when I get an ultrasound when pregnant because of my higher risk of tubal pregnancy. I have a good feeling. I really do. But I am also at peace with it if it doesn't happen this month.

I really do not like homeschooling Big J. NOT.AT.ALL. He's a complainer. Big time. He doesn't want to do homeschooling, but will not come to the conclusion that this was not our CHOICE...it was what we had to do because of HIS actions. No matter how many times we tell him that he HAS to do this and it is his own damn fault. We regularly get into fights that usually go like this: I tell him that he needs to read the work and really try to learn it, he tells me he is, I tell him that his quiz grades are showing he is not, he gets all defensive saying I can't read his mind...I don't know what he's learning or not, I tell him to not pull that AGAIN, he stands tall (trying to make himself bigger than me) and tries to intimidate me physically to back off, I tell him to cut his shit...yell a little bit back and forth, he goes to his room and calms down, comes out and apologizes for trying to intimidate me (which NEVER works) and we talk about strategies to help him do better.........which is what I started off trying to do. That is why I don't like homeschooling him. This happens once or twice a WEEK!

I'm cold.

I need a shower but am being lazy because I have the house completely to myself.

I just got my books for 2 of my classes and am shitting bricks at the size of the novels I have to read for my English class. I have 8 novels....some are close to 900 pages long. I can only hope that we are just reading parts of these books and not the whole things.

I've been clearing out our DVR for the past weeks and a half. By clearing out, I mean watching what we have recorded and then deleting it. It has been fun! But that time is coming to an end soon. My classes start in one week. One week!

I really should have been giving my house a deep cleaning over my Christmas break (which was 5 weeks long!), but I decided that my time was better spent with my children while they were home on their break, and by doing really nothing else. No deep cleaning. No reading all the books I was putting off until break. I did read one book, but I finished that in one day. Do I feel like I've wasted my time? NO. I needed this down time. I needed time to do nothing at all. Well, at least nothing productive. Unless you count clearing out the DVR productive.

I think that is all for now. Time for a shower and some more DVR'd shows!

Just a little update on all things ME!

It has been a little while since I have updated, so I figured it was time.

***Just a caution:  I go off on a little rant after the update on Big. J. Sorry :)***

Big J. is doing better since he is not in school.  He started his credit recovery program last week and is doing well.  He says it is fairly easy and he thinks that he will get through it with no problem at all.  We are still hashing out the details about homeschooling. Making calls to insure that we are getting him into the right program.  Going over particulars with Big J's mom so that we are all on the same page.  We should be starting that by the end of this month, though. Things are starting to calm now.  Big J. will be starting some volunteer work soon, which will hopefully give him some perspective on life and how real people live it.  We hope it will help him to be able to start seeing beyond himself and look at the BIG picture of life.

We are still TTC.  I have decided that I do not want to go through a battery of tests *just* yet.  We are going to wait until March to do all of that if we do not get pregnant by then.  I am really hoping the reduced stress level will help in this area.  

It has been six months since the surgery.  One miscarriage, one possible chemical pregnancy, and months of trying have started to take it's toll on my confidence in our ability to conceive and have a healthy pregnancy.  

It seems that all the women around me are getting pregnant, and not always purposefully, and I'm stuck on the sidelines.  

Trying to be happy for them, yet breaking down on the inside.  

I wanna scream when one of the pregnant ladies bitches about being pregnant.  I want to shake them and tell them that they should be thanking their lucky stars that they are pregnant because there are others (me) that want so desperately to be in their exact shoes right then. Sick, miserable but still LOVING IT.  I would literally give my right arm to be pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy and baby.  I will welcome, with open arms, the sickness, weight gain, swelling, and fatigue that come with pregnancy.  

But I swear if I hear one more pregnant woman bitch about being pregnant I'm going postal up in this joint! 

Whew, that felt good.  

That is just a little of what is going on.  

Going to be doing a photo post soon.  Our home grown pumpkin is almost ready to be harvested and carved!