Hurry up and wait

Ever get that feeling?

Like you have to hurry to do stuff, but then you have to just wait for the outcome?

We have been getting that a lot. It is like deja vu over and over again.

I'm really tired of hurry up and wait.

I want a hurry up and get results NOW.

We are now 3 days into the lovely (read: sarcasm here) two week wait. I'm ready to just be pregnant and stay that way for a LONG 9 months. I'm ready to hold a sweet baby in my arms again.

On another note, we got our tickets to go see New Moon. We will be going on November 21st. I wanted to go to the midnight showing on the 20th, but the kids have school the next day and we are not going to keep them out until 2 in the morning just to watch a movie (no matter how bad I want to see it). So we are settling for a Saturday matinée. It will be me, Brilliant B., Big J., Diva D, Little J., MIL, and nephew or FIL (don't know which one, but it will be one of them). The kids are excited about it. I'm ECSTATIC about it.

Let's all hurry up and wait some more!

Just a little update on all things ME!

It has been a little while since I have updated, so I figured it was time.

***Just a caution:  I go off on a little rant after the update on Big. J. Sorry :)***

Big J. is doing better since he is not in school.  He started his credit recovery program last week and is doing well.  He says it is fairly easy and he thinks that he will get through it with no problem at all.  We are still hashing out the details about homeschooling. Making calls to insure that we are getting him into the right program.  Going over particulars with Big J's mom so that we are all on the same page.  We should be starting that by the end of this month, though. Things are starting to calm now.  Big J. will be starting some volunteer work soon, which will hopefully give him some perspective on life and how real people live it.  We hope it will help him to be able to start seeing beyond himself and look at the BIG picture of life.

We are still TTC.  I have decided that I do not want to go through a battery of tests *just* yet.  We are going to wait until March to do all of that if we do not get pregnant by then.  I am really hoping the reduced stress level will help in this area.  

It has been six months since the surgery.  One miscarriage, one possible chemical pregnancy, and months of trying have started to take it's toll on my confidence in our ability to conceive and have a healthy pregnancy.  

It seems that all the women around me are getting pregnant, and not always purposefully, and I'm stuck on the sidelines.  

Trying to be happy for them, yet breaking down on the inside.  

I wanna scream when one of the pregnant ladies bitches about being pregnant.  I want to shake them and tell them that they should be thanking their lucky stars that they are pregnant because there are others (me) that want so desperately to be in their exact shoes right then. Sick, miserable but still LOVING IT.  I would literally give my right arm to be pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy and baby.  I will welcome, with open arms, the sickness, weight gain, swelling, and fatigue that come with pregnancy.  

But I swear if I hear one more pregnant woman bitch about being pregnant I'm going postal up in this joint! 

Whew, that felt good.  

That is just a little of what is going on.  

Going to be doing a photo post soon.  Our home grown pumpkin is almost ready to be harvested and carved!

RPattz/Twi funny

I saw this over at Thinking of Rob and just about died laughing it was too funny!!!

Hope you enjoy the hilarity like I did! Oh, give it a minute to load up completely to get the complete effect and so you don't have to look at the image strobing! 

*RAWR*

Another update on Big J.

We had our meeting before the school board yesterday and it went as we expected (maybe even a little better).  

Big J. will be suspended for the remainder of the 2009-2010 school year (instead of the 365 days we originally thought he was going to get) and will be able, if we feel he is ready, to begin public school again next year.  They recommended a credit recovery program that they have at one of the high schools here and we think that we will be taking advantage of that FREE program.  The classes for the credit recovery are from 3:30-5:00 every week day and are a self-paced computer-based program.  We will also be doing online high school homeschooling (does that make sense?) for some of his classes.  We will be doing the homeschooling on top of the credit recovery because he will need something to do during the day and it will ensure that he ends up with his full 6 classes needed to move up to a sophomore next year.

Big J.'s counselor is recommending that he has complete social isolation right now since he has shown repeatedly that he cannot act in a "normal" way in social situations away from us.  We agree.  We will eventually be getting him into some programs for social interaction, but that is in the future and it dependent on him.  We are looking into Boy Scouts, church youth groups and some other things around our area for kids his age.  Trying to find groups that will have a positive influence on him and maybe help him see that you don't have to be part of the "bad crowd" to have fun.

We still have not heard from the fire marshall about the fireworks stuff.  Don't know if we will.  That could have been just a scare tactic to scare Big J. into thinking he not only messed up his life, but his father's as well.  The PO (parole officer) told us that B. most likely will not get cited for anything since Big J. was already cited for it and that would constitute a sort of double jeopardy thing.  But we are just waiting.  We don't want to get too comfortable and then BAM! something blind-side us that we had dismissed as not going to happen.

Oh, and Big J. will be going tomorrow to do some community service with his life skills counselor.  He will be helping at a community fair.  He is going to be helping his counselor teach others how to juggle.  We are hoping this is going to be a positive experience for him and that he may just have a little fun while he is at it!

Well, that is an update on Big J. and all the mess surrounding him now.

***Hoping to have another update soon...non-Big J. related of course***

Chance To Go To Premiere of New Moon!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

You read that right!!!  You can have a chance to win a trip to the premiere of New Moon in LA and get a chance to meet some of the cast of that movie!!

All you have to do is go to Amazon and either 1) make a wish list; and/or 2) add to your existing wish list.  Once you do that, it will invite you to enter The Twilight Saga:  New Moon Premiere Sweepstakes.  Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy!!

Want to know what you could win????  Well, here is what you could win:

***Round trip coach class air transportation for 2 to Los Angeles departing from the major airport nearest to Grand Prize winner’s home on a date that coincides with the premiere of the Picture; 

***2 tickets to the premiere of the Picture which will be held on or about November 16, 2009; 

***An opportunity for you and your guest to “meet and greet” some of the cast members of the Picture; 

***2 nights’ standard hotel accommodations (double occupancy); 

***Ground transportation between the airport and hotel in Los Angeles, CA; 

***Twilight 2-Disc Special Edition DVD; 

***A Barbie Twilight Edward Doll; 

***A Barbie Twilight Bella Doll; 

***The Twilight Saga Book Collection; 

***The Twilight Saga: New Moon: The Official Illustrated Movie Companion (Paperback); 

***The Twilight Saga: New Moon: The Movie Board Game 

***A Twilight Hat, Glove and Scarf Winter Set; and 

***The Twilight Saga: New Moon Soundtrack; and 

***A Twilight “Lion and Lamb” Keyring/Bagclip. 

For more details on the sweepstakes go to Amazon.

You have from now until October 11, 2009 (11:59:59 p.m. PT) to enter the Sweepstakes.

Thanks to the wonderful ladies over at  Sigma Twi Omega  for breaking this news!!  You ladies ROCK!!!

An update on Big J.

***I would like to apologize  in advance about the language of this post.  I am still just a teensy-bit pissed about this whole situation.***

Well, we had the meeting on Friday morning with the probation officer and it went well.  Big J. got cut a HUGE break.  He will just have to continue his counseling and has to go to a group counseling session for teens with drug and other legal issues.  The PO and his counselor thought it would be good for him to see other kids that have gone down the same road he is going down but just kept going and got in deeper legal trouble.  They are hoping that he can learn from his own mistakes as well as the other kids mistakes.  He is also getting a more in-depth evaluation by a psychiatrist (or psychologist...can't remember which one the doctor is) to see if there is maybe something else going on that we don't know about.  Once that is done we will know if he will need to go in for a full-blown psych evaluation to test for unknown mental disorders (if you knew his mother you would know that this is not entirely too far fetched...she is a walking mental disorder).  We are just doing all we can to try and help him and if this ends up being something out of his control, then we will help him to get it under control in any way necessary.

We received the letter we were waiting on from the school that gave us a day and time we have to meet with the school board.  We will be going on Thursday afternoon to find out what will happen school-wise with Big J.  We are not holding out hope that they will let him go back to school this year.  The PO told us that usually when they send a letter like we got, they have already made up their mind and the potential suspension is what they will decide on anyway.  So it looks like Big J. will be out of school for the next year and will repeat 9th grade next year.

That also means that I now have to quit my job so that I can stay home with him every-single-damn-day.  This is going to be a trying year and I really hope he makes it out alive and I make it out with my sanity.  I was really looking forward to working this year and being able to work when I wanted to and not when I didn't.....BUT now I don't get that option.  I am really not happy about this.  Not. Happy. At. All.

We still don't know if B. will be cited for anything yet.  We are praying he won't be.  After all, he did not do this and sure as hell didn't encourage it.  The PO seemed to think that they will not pursue B. in this matter that it was just a scare tactic to make Big J. think that he was fucking up someone else's life along with his own.  Which he is.  Which he will be reminded of often.

Now, that might sound mean and really fucked up, but let me tell you--this kid thinks only of himself and it is high time that he realizes that what he does effects more than just himself....that it effects those around him and those that care the most about him.  It is time he starts growing up and getting out of the childish, self-centered way of thinking.  He is not a kid anymore...he is a young man and it is time he started acting like it.  

Oh, and I think that by the time he goes back to school he just may hate me, but he will be the model of good and polite behavior.  I am determined to turn this kid around.  Whatever it takes.  Even if I have to turn into a wicked step-mother from hell.  He will change.

That is where we stand for now.  I will update when we know anything new.

And THANK YOU all for all your prayers!  They help BIG TIME!!

My heart is hurting

I am asking that you say some prayers for my family right now. Big J. messed up REALLY REALLY bad and the consequences are not just his now.

Today, in his 1st period class, Big J. lit a firework (one of those red fire cracker ones) in the middle of class. The security guards hauled him down to the office and did a search on him and he had marijuana in his shoe. The cops were called, he got smart with the officer and the officer put him in handcuffs. B. went down there (I was in class at the time). Big J. was VERY close to going to jail today, he might end up there soon. He is suspended for 10 days right now and we will have a hearing before the school board soon to find out if he will be suspended for 365 days or expelled for a year. If he is just suspended for the next year, we can try to get him into a school near here, but if he is expelled, he cannot go to school ANYWHERE in New Mexico. We have to go go juvenile court in the morning to find out what they are going to do to him for the firework incident and the drugs. We are going to make sure that he will be facing whatever they throw at him and are not going to fight it or try to make excuses for him. We are done standing up for him and defending him. Time for him to face the consequences for his actions.

B. is facing the chance of jail time because of the firework. They are saying because it is considered an illegal firework that it is a felony so therefore, since Big J. is a minor, the consequence falls to his father for the possession of the firework. We will not know if there will be any charges against B. until Monday when the Fire Marshall is back in town and at work. B. is looking at a fine of up to $1000 and up to a year in prison. All because Big J. thought it would be funny to set off a firework in class. And this was just a firework that we had put up that was left over from the 4th. We never in a million years thought he would get into them and take them to school. We had them put up. We THOUGHT he didn't know where they were. We were wrong. This is having a major ripple effect in our lives. If B. is convicted of this felony, he cannot teach EVER. He is working towards a degree in Education and with a felony of this sort, he can never teach. If he is convicted of this, his dreams of his future career are gone forever. 

We are at a loss right now. We don't know what to do. We don't know where we went wrong and why Big J. is doing all that he is doing. I am terrified that my husband is going to be going to prison and I will have to be alone for a year. I am terrified that we will end up getting all of the kids taken from us. I am scared out of my mind that my ex-husband will find out about this and try to use this to take my 2 kids away from me. I am sick just thinking about losing my family. 

We know for sure that he will not be going back to live with his mother. She already told B. today that Big J. cannot go back to living with her. We will be waiting to find out what is going on tomorrow and then going from there. Probably going to be looking into some alternative schools for kids with problems that he can go to. I cannot deal with him everyday. I cannot do homeschooling with him the way he has been lately. I just can't do it. I feel like a horrible person because of that, but I just simply cannot do it.

We love him so much but at the same time are so disappointed, frustrated, heart-broken, and flat out pissed off. 

Please just pray for us. Pray that he will finally learn from his mistakes and turn his life around. Pray that B. does not end up in jail over this. Pray that our family can make it through this intact.

I guess I know now why we have been unsuccessful in getting pregnant. I don't think I could deal with this while pregnant without adverse affects on the baby or myself. This is just too much stress.