My heart is hurting

I am asking that you say some prayers for my family right now. Big J. messed up REALLY REALLY bad and the consequences are not just his now.

Today, in his 1st period class, Big J. lit a firework (one of those red fire cracker ones) in the middle of class. The security guards hauled him down to the office and did a search on him and he had marijuana in his shoe. The cops were called, he got smart with the officer and the officer put him in handcuffs. B. went down there (I was in class at the time). Big J. was VERY close to going to jail today, he might end up there soon. He is suspended for 10 days right now and we will have a hearing before the school board soon to find out if he will be suspended for 365 days or expelled for a year. If he is just suspended for the next year, we can try to get him into a school near here, but if he is expelled, he cannot go to school ANYWHERE in New Mexico. We have to go go juvenile court in the morning to find out what they are going to do to him for the firework incident and the drugs. We are going to make sure that he will be facing whatever they throw at him and are not going to fight it or try to make excuses for him. We are done standing up for him and defending him. Time for him to face the consequences for his actions.

B. is facing the chance of jail time because of the firework. They are saying because it is considered an illegal firework that it is a felony so therefore, since Big J. is a minor, the consequence falls to his father for the possession of the firework. We will not know if there will be any charges against B. until Monday when the Fire Marshall is back in town and at work. B. is looking at a fine of up to $1000 and up to a year in prison. All because Big J. thought it would be funny to set off a firework in class. And this was just a firework that we had put up that was left over from the 4th. We never in a million years thought he would get into them and take them to school. We had them put up. We THOUGHT he didn't know where they were. We were wrong. This is having a major ripple effect in our lives. If B. is convicted of this felony, he cannot teach EVER. He is working towards a degree in Education and with a felony of this sort, he can never teach. If he is convicted of this, his dreams of his future career are gone forever. 

We are at a loss right now. We don't know what to do. We don't know where we went wrong and why Big J. is doing all that he is doing. I am terrified that my husband is going to be going to prison and I will have to be alone for a year. I am terrified that we will end up getting all of the kids taken from us. I am scared out of my mind that my ex-husband will find out about this and try to use this to take my 2 kids away from me. I am sick just thinking about losing my family. 

We know for sure that he will not be going back to live with his mother. She already told B. today that Big J. cannot go back to living with her. We will be waiting to find out what is going on tomorrow and then going from there. Probably going to be looking into some alternative schools for kids with problems that he can go to. I cannot deal with him everyday. I cannot do homeschooling with him the way he has been lately. I just can't do it. I feel like a horrible person because of that, but I just simply cannot do it.

We love him so much but at the same time are so disappointed, frustrated, heart-broken, and flat out pissed off. 

Please just pray for us. Pray that he will finally learn from his mistakes and turn his life around. Pray that B. does not end up in jail over this. Pray that our family can make it through this intact.

I guess I know now why we have been unsuccessful in getting pregnant. I don't think I could deal with this while pregnant without adverse affects on the baby or myself. This is just too much stress.