Not Me! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I most certainly did not sleep until 12:30 pm this weekend.  I would never do such a teenage thing.  Not me!

Hubs and I most certainly did not go an see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen without our children.  We do not do that sort of thing in our house.  Not me!

I most certainly did not have 2 full and 2 partial days without kids in my care.  I most certainly did not revel in that fact.  Not me!

I was not the one eating icing out of the tub this weekend either.  Must have been some other person.  Not me!

I am for sure not the one that has been avoiding the dishes and laundry all weekend.  Our house is not without water now and I am doing it all RIGHT NOW.  Not me!!

Hopping Along

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

ok, maybe that title is a bit cheesy, but hey when this is a blog about the critter I saw in my back yard the past two nights, what can you expect!!!!!

Here it is:

Now for a little back-story here. 

Last year (I think it was spring) my mother-in-law found a frog at her work and brought it home and gave it to my kids (gee thanks).  Well, it was a frog that is not normally seen in this area.  We got it a little home and bought some crickets (again thanks so much grandma) and we kept it for about 4 months.

Needless to say, the kids lost interest and hubs and I were the ones left to care for it.  So what did we do, you ask?

Well we let it go in the yard.  That's what we did.  I was tired of it.  It smelled bad (and I mean HORRIBLE) and I did not like having the LIVE crickets in the house (I was terrified they would get loose).

Well, now you see the frog.....about twice as big as it was last year, but it is one in the same.  I mean really, this is not a normal frog for BFE New Mexico so what are the chances that it is a DIFFERENT frog that looks the same. 

Writer's Workshop: oh, the boredom

It is that time of the week again........Weekly writer's workshop courtesy of Mama Kat @ Mama's Losin' It.

Here are the prompts:

1.) Interview a child.
(inspired by Quilao Triplets)
2.) How do you stave off boredom?
(inspired by Jenn's Pen)
3.) Write a poem for the little boy in your life.
(inspired by Life With Kaishon)
4.) Describe a memorable interview or talk about your experience trying to find a job amidst this recession.
(inspired by Lacey)
5.) Create a Help Wanted Ad.
(inspired by Jenners)

To be honest, I have not felt particularly inspired lately.  Which is why I haven't been blogging lately (well, except about the boys' room).  I think I will try to crank something out about prompt #2.  

Like most SAHM (stay at home mom), I do find myself bored outta my mind from time to time (ok, ok, MOST of the time).  

After the joys of laundry, dishes, cleaning, and cooking (among other things) I find myself trying to find ways to keep the mind-numbing boredom at bay.  The first, and most obvious, thing I do to keep from getting too bored is to mess around on the net.  But, as most of you may know, that can get boring as well after a while.  

The next thing that I do is to TRY to read.  I have the entire series of Twilight and have only made it HALFWAY through the first book.  Ah, the life of a mom.  I read usually only when the kids are blissfully busy and not quite feeling as needy of my attention because once I start reading.....I get lost and don't really notice much of what is going on around me, which with kids is NOT a good thing AT ALL!

Another thing is the good ol' boob tube. Finding some cheesy show on or just sit and watch cartoons with the kiddies.....nothing like it!

I wish I had time (and the money) to paint again (and not bedroom walls).  I miss being artistic and creative, but I am even worse about getting lost in painting and drawing than I am with reading.  I have this uncanny ability when I get in the "groove" to completely block out EVERYTHING and EVERYONE around me and tend to lose track of time.

There are other, little ways that I fight off the boredom monster that are just too numerous to name, but here is a run down of a few more:  play video games with the kids, play board games with the kids, go outside and water the yard, go swim in the pool, do crafts with kids, and color in coloring books with kids.  (as you can see, a lot of my life revolves around kids.  Good thing I like them a lot or it might drive me bonkers!)

Now it's your turn.  Head on over to see Mama Kat and get busy writing!!!!!!

Boys' room redo: AFTER!!!

Well, hubby and I busted our butts this evening and put the room together.  We moved the furniture around AND put all the stuff on the walls.

Right now, there are some spaces on the walls that are blank, but we did that on purpose.  We did that to allow for adding of posters, paintings, etc. as the boys acquire them.

Without further ado, here are the final photos!

I AM D-O-N-E!!!!

I FINISHED!!!! The room is painted.  It is good enough.  I am leaving it as it is. 

Here is the finished room:

I will put pics up as soon as we get the furniture all put in place and all the nifty little things up on the walls!  

Just thought I was done!

Well, I thought I was done with the boys' room yesterday, but the room had other plans!

I finished painting the trim and it was looking FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!! Then we took the tape off.  That was where the problem began.

THIS is what happened:

IT PEELED THE PAINT OFF THE WALL!!!! Can you believe it???

I guess I have more work to do today!

Update on boys room redo!

Well, I am almost done with the boys' room and it is turning out wonderful, if-I-do-say-so-myself!  Here are some pics of the "during" part:

This one is before I got the gray painted:

This is after the gray was painted:

This is what the room looks like RIGHT now:

All I have left is what is taped off in between the blue tape and that little yellow strip by the green wall and I will be DONE!!!!  Let me tell you--I am so ready to be done!  I will be taking a few weeks off from painting and then I will be starting on my daughter's room.  Her room will be MUCH easier to do.  It is smaller and there are not many holes to patch (just the ones from nails for paintings!)!

I will post the final pics after I finish and we get the room put back how it is supposed to go!  I will make sure and put some pics up after we get all the posters, pennants, and paintings put up as well so you can see the FINAL product!!!!

Boys' room redo: before

We are painting the boys' room and we are in the "getting ready" phase.  We are getting nails out of the wall and are going to be patching holes and cracks (you will understand when you see the pics) tonight to get it ready for paint later in the week.

I spent today taking this ugly trim stuff off of the walls, which now has left cracks in the wall.  You can see it in the pics.....it is the white areas.  We are going to start patching the holes from nails and the door knob and these ugly cracks.  I am so ready to get that done so that I can start painting.  Because the sooner I start, the sooner it will be done and over with!

Without further delay, here are the before pics:

This is the view from the door to their room.  Looking into the room.

Ignore all the junk on top of the bunk bed.  It is sheets and blankets from our oldest son's bed which is now in the shed to make room to paint. (don't worry, he is at his mom's right now, so he has no need for a bed HERE and it will be put back after the painting is done!)  And a little kid couch that was in the way.

See that gnarly hole from the door knob?  That is going to be gone soon!

You see that white strip down the wall?  That had a little piece of trim over it.  IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WALL.  As you can see, THAT is no longer there.  Now we just have to fill in the crevice that was left there.

Now, you can see why the room is being fixed and painted.  That yellow and blue is horrible, I hate it and all the boys hate it as well!  We are going to be painting it the colors of the Philadelphia Eagles because that is our oldest (and youngest) son's favorite football team!  It is a surprise to the oldest.  He doesn't know.  And won't until he gets home at the beginning of July!

Here is an idea of what the colors will be:

One wall will be the green color and the rest will be the gray that is in the eagle head.

Well, that is what is going on.  Will post during and after pics!

I Twit!!!!

Well, I have been doing twitter for a while, but have just now figured out how to get one of those cute little buttons for my blog so you all can find me!  

Check it out!!!!!

BTW, I am doing better today.  Yesterday was just a moment of "the straw that broke the camel's back".  My hubby helped me get calmed down and lifted my spirits.  

This glass is half empty today.....or completely empty

I don't know what is going on with my body. Yesterday I had NO bleeding at all and most of today I had none, then all of a sudden about an hour ago it started again. And it is not spotting, it is all out flow. 

I thought this was done, I thought we could move forward. But I guess my body has other plans. This has all been enough to just make me want to crawl in bed and stay there for a very long time. I have been doing good with all of this, that is until I started bleeding again. It just seems so unfair and I'm tired of it. I want this to be done. I want to move on. I just can't seem to thanks to my body and whatever it is doing now. 

I feel like crap, have for the last week. I am tired all the time and can't seem to sleep enough and it is not from emotions, it is flat out fatigue. I have had a headache for the past 3 days that nothing gets rid of. 

This sudden come-back of the bleeding has me worried and pissed off. And of course this would have to happen on a Friday after the docs office closed.

It just really worries me because I stopped bleeding for almost 2 full days and it started again all of a sudden. It was not like I had spotting and then started bleeding, I had nothing and then BAM bleeding like my normal medium period flow, clots and all.

This just pushed me too far. I'm fed up. My family is all out in the pool and I cannot be with them and have fun because of this BULLSHIT. My husband and I had a romantic night planned and it got squashed because of this.

I just want one thing to go right. The last thing we had go right in our life was the tubal reversal. We have had a lot of CRAP happen since then. It is just all getting to be too much. There is only so much crap one person can take before they break. I am at that point. I am going to break if things don't start getting better. I feel like I'm stuck and can't get out. 

Sorry I'm so glass half empty right now, but I am really struggling here and just don't see the light just yet. I know it will get better, I am just having a hard time seeing it today.

Writer's Workshop: I wanna be....

Well, it is that time of the week.  Time for the weekly writer's workshop over at Mama's Losin' It.

The Prompts:

1.) Describe something someone has done to make you feel special.
(inspired by Le Poppy Design)
2.)Name your current addiction...we can get through this together.
(inspired by Lula)
3.) What have you been busy doing that's keeping you from updating your blog? How hard is it for you to get back into the swing of blogging when you take time off?
(inspired by Sera)
4.) Write a letter.
(inspired by eyegirl)
5.) Where would you like to be?
(inspired by T.J.)

I am choosing to do #5.  Where would you like to be?

Honestly, I would like to be anywhere but here.  A-N-Y-W-H-E-R-E!

I need a vacation.  badly.  I don't care where it is as long as I don't have to worry about anything and relax, I'm good.

We have been entering this sweepstakes on the Travel Channel called the Travel Bug Sweepstakes. I would LOVE to win any of the monthly prizes they have!  

Last month it was a week in Hawaii.  This month it is a Mediterranean Cruise.  Who knows what it will be NEXT month!!!

Money is tight, to say the least, so there will be no vacations any time soon for us.  Which is disappointing.  

I just really, really, really want to be anywhere but here right now.

More news. Mostly good.

Well, I haven't updated and I have received some news.

My beta level from the test on Monday was 3.  That means that I did miscarry, that all fetal tissue has passed, it WAS NOT ectopic, and that there will be no need for any further medical intervention.

I went yesterday and had MORE blood drawn because they do not have on record at my midwife's office that I am Rh negative.  They had to type my blood and check it for antibodies since I did not have a Rhogam shot after the birth of my youngest son (because of the tubal ligation).

I just got the results of that a few minutes ago and FINALLY got some good news!  The test was negative for antibodies!!!  I go at 1:30 to get a Rhogam shot so that the next baby will have no issues with my blood attacking it!

This is a HUGE weight lifted off of my shoulders.  I was so worried that I had the antibodies and that my blood would end up causing problems later in the next pregnancy.  

Thank GOD!

Yet another update

I went to the doc this morning.  He did an exam and said that it doesn't look like I will have to have a D & C, so I am glad about that.

I still don't know what the results of my blood test for today is.  The doctor is supposed to call when he gets the results of those in.

On another note, the doctor decided that, on top of what I am already going through, he needed to tell me that when I had my last pap done, that they found abnormal cells and I am going to need to have a biopsy done so that they can figure out what is wrong.  He said it is not a rush because they need to wait until I stopped bleeding to be able to do the biopsy.  

Well, why couldn't you have just kept your damn mouth shut and let MY regular midwife call me later on and tell me about that?  Why not give me time to get over the loss I am going through before dumping this on me?

My midwife just told me we would wait until the miscarriage is done and then schedule it.  Not to worry about it now.

I am not feeling good.  

I feel defeated.  

I feel like everything is fucking up left and right.  

I feel like I am drowning.  

I really feel like just giving up.  

I feel like there is some force out there that is getting some kind of sick pleasure out of the suffering we have been dealt.  

I feel it is not fair.  

It is not fair that my drug-addicted loser of an ex-husband gets his loser, drug-addicted girlfriend pregnant and you know what happens.....NOTHING.....she is still pregnant.  Look at me.  I have been taking care of myself, cutting down on sodas, cutting down on smoking, taking prenatal vitamins, eating properly, etc, etc, etc.....and I lose my baby. 

HOW IN THE HELL IS THAT FAIR?  

WHY DO THE ONES THAT DO NOT WANT THE BABIES GET PREGNANT AND THE ONES THAT DO WANT THE BABIES TRY AND CAN'T???

I am fed up.  I'm done keeping my hopes up that things are going to turn out good and having them crushed.  I always try and see the good in things, but it is getting harder and harder.  It is hard to see the good among all the shit.  Right now, today, all I see is SHIT. 

Update on things

Well, the bleeding and cramping started last night around 7.  So it is official.

We are doing ok with this.  We were prepared for this, which helped us to deal with it actually happening.  

We are happy that we can get pregnant and that my tubes are in working order!

We are happy that we can move on and try again.  Which we will do as soon as we can.  

We are not letting this get us down or stop us from trying again.

We will see what the doctor says tomorrow.  

Pain pills are my best friend right now as the cramping is about 3 times as bad as regular period cramps.  

So this is where we are.  Waiting to see what the doc says, waiting to know when we can try again, and waiting for the bleeding and cramping to stop.  WAITING, WAITING, WAITING.

Some not so great news

I went to the ER today because of some sharp stabbing pains in my right side.

My beta level was only 23 today, half of what it was on Wednesday.  The doctors call it spontaneous abortion, basically a miscarriage. They did a thorough ultrasound to make sure the baby is not in my tube.  They did not see anything in my tubes or in my uterus.  It is too soon to see anything really other than a bulge if it was in my tube.  No bulges in tubes here!  I am not bleeding or spotting so I have to go to an OBGYN on Monday to see what we need to do next.

I am trying to stay positive about this all.  I am trying to see the good in a bad situation.

First off, we know we CAN get pregnant now.

Second, most miscarriages occur because there is a chromosomal abnormality in the baby and it is the body's way of taking care it naturally.

Third, there is a reason.  I don't know WHAT that reason is for this to happen, but I know there is one.  I will find out in time.

I don't want to have anyone feel sorry for me.  I don't feel sorry for myself, no reason for you all to.

We have decided that since the kids do not know about the pregnancy, there is no reason for them to know about the loss.  No need to worry them for nothing.

I will update with any news.

Crying a lot.

I got my beta results today.

Monday--52

Wednesday--54

I am numb right now.  I am scared.  I am disappointed.

I am supposed to go back on Tuesday to have another blood draw.  The midwife is hoping that the numbers will go up by then.  But she told me to be prepared just in case they don't.

This is not the news I wanted.  

I'm here, alone at the house with the kids.  I can't go out of my room because I am bawling and I don't want to concern the kids because they don't even know yet.  I want my husband, but he has to work.

Pray for us.  Pray for my baby.  Pray hard and loud.

Like a kid in a candy store....and other stuff

This weekend we cleared out our yard, brought over my father-in-law's tractor, and tore the yard up.  We did this because the yard was horribly bumpy and had some parts that the soil was so packed that NOTHING could grow in it.  We needed the yard to be most of the way level so that we can put up our pool without it being lop-sided!

Here is my Husband on the tractor.  Before and after I took this pic he had the biggest smile on his face--he looked like a kid in a candy store!  I asked him why he was smiling so much.  His answer?? "I got to drive a tractor."  Ah, men, so easily amused.


I forgot to take a pic of the yard BEFORE we started ripping it up, but you can see those two light areas in the middle of the pic where the soil is compacted.

This last pic is what it looked like after the yard is ripped up and part-way smoothed out.

Right now, the yard looks like a great big mud puddle because we are watering the heck out of it to try and get grass to grow while the soil is loose.

On another note, I made my first appointment with my midwife today.  I went in and they did a urine pregnancy test, which of course, came up positive.  I went to the lab and got my first blood test to check my beta levels and have to go back on Wednesday for another blood draw so that the midwife can check if the levels are doubling like they should.  If they are, I do not have to have another beta level check.  

My ultrasound is scheduled for June 15th and 1:00 pm (mountain time).  That is when we find out if baby is in the right spot!

My EDD (estimated due date) is February 6, 2010. 

This is somewhat of a relief, but I will not breathe easy until the 15th when we find out for sure that the baby is safe and sound.  I will find out what my beta numbers are on Thursday.  Praying for doubling (or more) numbers!