Friday, June 12, 2009

This glass is half empty today.....or completely empty

I don't know what is going on with my body. Yesterday I had NO bleeding at all and most of today I had none, then all of a sudden about an hour ago it started again. And it is not spotting, it is all out flow. 

I thought this was done, I thought we could move forward. But I guess my body has other plans. This has all been enough to just make me want to crawl in bed and stay there for a very long time. I have been doing good with all of this, that is until I started bleeding again. It just seems so unfair and I'm tired of it. I want this to be done. I want to move on. I just can't seem to thanks to my body and whatever it is doing now. 

I feel like crap, have for the last week. I am tired all the time and can't seem to sleep enough and it is not from emotions, it is flat out fatigue. I have had a headache for the past 3 days that nothing gets rid of. 

This sudden come-back of the bleeding has me worried and pissed off. And of course this would have to happen on a Friday after the docs office closed.

It just really worries me because I stopped bleeding for almost 2 full days and it started again all of a sudden. It was not like I had spotting and then started bleeding, I had nothing and then BAM bleeding like my normal medium period flow, clots and all.

This just pushed me too far. I'm fed up. My family is all out in the pool and I cannot be with them and have fun because of this BULLSHIT. My husband and I had a romantic night planned and it got squashed because of this.

I just want one thing to go right. The last thing we had go right in our life was the tubal reversal. We have had a lot of CRAP happen since then. It is just all getting to be too much. There is only so much crap one person can take before they break. I am at that point. I am going to break if things don't start getting better. I feel like I'm stuck and can't get out. 

Sorry I'm so glass half empty right now, but I am really struggling here and just don't see the light just yet. I know it will get better, I am just having a hard time seeing it today.

2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry Jen...I am still praying lots for you. I know it's a lot of crap right now, but maybe God needs to bring you through this so you can really experience the joy He has planned for you on the other side. Just remember, even when it seems like you can't handle in...God never gives us more than we can handle!

    I hope you get some good rest and things look better tomorrow.

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  2. Hon, you are having a NORMAL miscarriage. Sporadic bleeding is NORMAL esp if you were trying to do too much during this time. The fatigue is most likely anemia and the hormones crashing.

    I bled 8 weeks when my last m/c. I understand how you feel.

    Just remember a few things-
    God does not cause our grief or troubles but He does carry us through them!

    You are able to get pg because you are whole! Your body just proved it.

    you JUST had TR and it takes time to heal and get a successful pg

    In a short time you will look back and go "why was I so upset over a bit of extra bleeding?!" it just looks hard now

    you will stronger having gone through this

    "this too shall pass" sooner than you think

    trust in God, He will no leave you nor forsake you :)

    I am here if you want to talk even on the phone.

    ReplyDelete

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